I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
