how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
