And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
