I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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