I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
