God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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