put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
