My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
