he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
