she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
