omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
