I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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