Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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