I'm eating all of the evidence.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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