oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
