I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
