He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
