just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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