As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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