he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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