I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize