I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i need some magic done to my vagina
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
