yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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