I have demons in me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
