he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
