soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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