I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
