I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
