I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Houston, we have a squirter
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
