she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
