If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
