K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
