got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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