im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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