I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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