I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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