I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
