U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
this is an emotional support booty call
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
