It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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