I just saw a hot homeless man
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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