oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
