the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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