There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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