i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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