Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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