i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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