I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My balls are so social today.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
