respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
