The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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