He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
there is puke in my bra ... again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
