So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
