i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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