Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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