He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
