Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
