R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
