yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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