I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
