So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I want her autograph on my taint
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
