They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
