my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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