Do you still have your period?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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