mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.