i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.