no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now