Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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