so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.