i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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